I'd have loved to have found this website years ago.

I'm 31 and up until a year ago I was what you'd call a picky eater. Don't really want to tell a life story but, probably from about the age of 5, 6? .. I had the same foods, literally every day - breakfast = weetabix, lunch and dinner - canned spaghetti and yogurt. I mean, I had chocolate and a few other odds and ends, but nothing substantial. And that's how it was, pretty much until I hit 30. Anything else I even attempted to try would more often than not involve me retching, and as such the problem snowballed.

The disorder - not that I knew that's what it was for many years - shaped who I became; aloof, little self-confidence, even less self-worth .. I didn't want to have many friends, because I felt there was something wrong with me - because of what I ate. I often wonder how things would've been if I'd been told earlier I have a named and treatable disorder; ARFID. I was able to tell a few people close to me about my problem; really it's not something that a friend or colleague would disown you for in any way (you just eat less than they do, and that's it), but it still doesn't make it easier.

I tried therapy a few times over the years as I suspected that was the way to deal with it; the first time I didn't understand the problem, the second time I ultimately wasn't ready to face it - I don't hold any malice towards the therapists I dealt with at those times, because they can only help you if you truly want to help yourself. I thought I did, but I realised later I didn't (principally because I was depressed on both occasions.

The third time I was successful. After a few sessions of talking about the problem and why it exists - and why it wasn't my fault - we worked out a timetable where I was basically trying something new every day - to begin with, it was just fruits, slowly working towards different kinds of meals with different textures. This was across the region of about four months. I retched frequently - but it's perfectly OK. It's just a defence mechanism you have to train your brain to let go of. I would tense up and breathe harder, making it more difficult to swallow. Then I would try it again a day or two later. Near the culmination of therapy we ate lunch together in the hospital cafe - it was the first time I've ever eaten a meal out with someone. Funny now but I can't really remember what it was... chicken, black beans and rice, I think. It was such a significant moment for me; I've since eaten out with friends many times, the more my taste and texture pallet has increased. Curry and pizza nights are awesome!

I can only speak for myself when I say I knew I had a problem and I was at a stage in my life when I'd truly had enough of being this way. It was getting in the way of my work life, my love life, my social life - and I didn't want to hide who I was anymore. I suspect that is a common theme amongst most posts here - but it's no shame to admit you need help getting rid of your demons. Until therapy started I had NO clue what to do. From what my therapist told me ARFID itself seems to be a subject that is more understood than before and help is out there; maybe I got lucky and got a really good, understanding therapist.

I think dealing with a child with similar issues involves a different approach - I'm not a parent - but I think they have to want to change just the same. I guess the signs would be different, that's all.

I wish anyone well with this problem. You CAN change, once you are ready. Then it's up to you how far you go. Good luck.